• Registered: 2007-06-22
  • Posts: 1

Topic: I know what i have to do but i can't

I know what i have to do, but I just cant make myself do it.

I'm seeing this girl and she has a boyfriend. She tells me I mean the world to her but, I think she just says that to keep me in the picture. She tells me how she wishes she can be with me, and how she would love to spend the rest of her life with me, I know those are just empty promises.  Shes been with her boyfriend for many years and i'm just the cool new fun guy, I dont know if shes just staying with him out of convience or what but she promises me she doesnt love him, but at the sametime it doesnt look like shes trying to end it.

When i talk to her nothing else in the world matters, but at the sametime i feel this detachment towards her, because i know chances are that i'm likely to get hurt in the ending. Shes with a man that i would pay to watch get executed, he hits her and turns around and says he loves her. She has self esteem issues and no matter what i tell her its like it will never sink in that shes beautiful. Shes a 20 year old girl living a 40 year olds life, she has to work to support him and his kids, and shes not allowed to go out, her boyfriend feels like shes worked all week now its time for her to stay home and take care of him and his kids.

I know what i have to do, i have to end it but everybody that has ever been in this situation knows thats easier said than done. Everyday it feels like i'm in hurry up and wait mode, like the day is coming but i cant tell you when that day is. I know its gonna take him really hurting her one day for her to leave but then that wont even gaurntee her leaving. I know i answered my own question i know i must leave her but that would be the same as me quiting.

I know that this isnt an easy question to answer and i know i answered my own quesion but any other advice would be greatful thanks.

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  • Registered: 2007-04-02
  • Posts: 102

Re: I know what i have to do but i can't

The bottom line is this......if shes tells you she wants to spend her life with you....why has she not left him? Move on brother!!! She's only using you as a play toy. If you can deal with that...make sure you don't get your feelings hurt.

  • Registered: 2007-07-15
  • Posts: 24

Re: I know what i have to do but i can't

First of all...she's messing around with your life and your time.  She's putting you on hold...so she can be with her man...while keeping you on hold.
You need to tell her, "you can be with him....you can be with me...but you cant have both....and im not puting my life on hold so you can be with him.....that's not fair to me"
obviously not in thse words haha...but that type of thing.  its a lot of pressure on her....but if she cant up and break up with him NOW......then she's not ready to move onto you...and if that's the case....you need to let her go.

  • Registered: 2008-09-04
  • Posts: 4

Re: I know what i have to do but i can't

I have been the woman in this situation before.  Sometimes girls are more "scared" than men of being alone, on our own, without someone or just plain afraid of everything to the point of immobilization.

What I would love to hear from you is that you are moving on... BUT you consider me a friend and care about me... if/when I leave my BF.. to call you and let you know. MAYBE you might be available and MAYBE not. That is a chance I take. You have nothing to lose.  If she leaves and you have no current girlfriend how will you know if you have totally told her to "hit the road"?

I had a guy I liked with a girlfriend who had "problems"  I told him to call me if they break up.  He changed his phone number. Too bad... I am currently breaking up with my BF and available.... I will never know if he is available????  two ships could of passed. Life is not perfect and timing is not perfect.  My  2 cents.

  • Registered: 2007-04-17
  • Posts: 106

Re: I know what i have to do but i can't

shes 20 and she is talking about spend her life with someone while she is in a relationship with someone else.  If she truely does care about you, then she will end the situation she is in.  you need to get out.  No matter how bad she may have it, it isnt up to you to change it.