Topic: Emtional Infidelity?
Here's my story and I need a little guidance. My DH and I have been married for 25 yrs. He was engaged to "Donna" in HS. Donna had a sister "Diane" who had a child and named them the godparents. Donna and him broke it off. Years later when we met and were married, Diane's daughter got married and invited both of us. I thought that would be the only time we would see her, and was I wrong. Maybe I was wrong to even go to the wedding. But that's history.
Well, I just recently(nov) found Diane's number in my husband's cell phone. I didn't say anything just deleted the number. Well in December I saw that she called again and also deleted it her number. This time I asked him about it. He stated that she called him because her brother comitted suicided and needed someone to talk to, then he dropped it. Didn't mention it again. Just like it was nothing.
I thought about it, and it really bothered me, no hurt me. So one day when he called me at work again, I asked him about it, and told him that it hurt me very much. He acted innocent and said he was sorry. Then continued to say that she's nothing to look at. He would go there and talk to her, and sometimes get chicken feed when we were out(we have chickens). She would do all of the talking, etc. Well, I kind of let that sink in, but the thing is, he didn't talk about it anymore, or even bring it up.
Well, it's been bothering me again, since I don't know how she got his cell phone #, and this past weekend I brought it up. I asked how she got his number, and how would he feel if it was me? (Just last week, he lost his cell phone), well he said to me, good thing that I lost my cell phone now is it? I said, oh don't worry, her number wasn't on it. He then asked me if I deleted it, I said yes. Unfortunately we were in a public place, and I couldn't go into any detail. I asked him if he felt flattered by the attention, but I didn't get any answer. But just his actions, and his facial expressions, seem so strange to me. I don't know how to decribe it.
I also told him that we are talking about it face to face, since I'm not done with it. And I get no reaction at all, and no comment. Just stares. It may be because of the public place.
I did mention in Dec. to him that this is form of infidelity and he didnt' seem to understand. I said it's emotional....Though this was on the phone. He can talk to me better when we talk on the phone. But he's working on that, since it shouldn't be like that.
He said that she's really nothing to look at. I still feel hurt inside, and there's a trust factor issue.
Does anyone know the bible's view on this?
He says it's been going on for maybe 3 years/5 years he said he can't remember. Then he said about 7 years, and he just gave her his cell #, cause "I give everyone my cell #"He says sometimes when she calls he doesn't always answer.
We did talk about it the other night, and he said that he really had no idea that it was wrong. Men are so stupid.
He said he was sorry. Had no idea that it was a form of infidelity. I explained to him what constitutes it has infedility. (I had done research beforehand of course).
I told him that he needs to close that part of his life and the next time she calls either don't answer the phone, or answer it and tell her NOT to call anymore. He also said that I'm right, that he should've told me in the begining and should've told me even when he went over there. I told him to put the shoe on the other foot and see how he would feel, he said he really didn't know. I also asked him if I had to get tested, and he said "no".
We haven't talked about it since Sunday night. I don't know how to tell him that it hurts still and I don't know how long it'll take to forgive him, or to trust him. I'm usually a very forgiving person, but this is a little different.
Sorry this is so long, but I thought it needed some background.