• Registered: 2009-03-05
  • Posts: 2

Topic: he dropped a huge bomb on me...

my boyfriend is moving to another country (overseas) this summer, for an undetermined amount of time. he told me this in the middle of december about the move, he said he had no choice and that it was never his plan to marry me, so me waiting for him would be pointless. that's basically all he said to me, and he told me that we would talk more about what's happening. i was so ready to at least get engaged to him, although we're both only 20. we've been together for 3 years and i feel like i've invested so much in this relationship and it was all a waste of time and emotion. i planned my life around him, he was basically "the plan", and it was really all for nothing. i want some closure from him, i want to know why he wasted my time, i want to know why he would be with me for 3 years if his intentions were never to go any farther than boyfriend and girlfriend. i've tried countless times to get him to answer my questions and he just won't do it. he gave me a diamond ring a while back and i asked him if he wanted it back because it's too hard for me to look at it, and he took that as i don't want to talk to him and i hate him (which isn't the case). i told him i still love him and all he said to me was "then why do you act like you hate me? why don't you want to be my friend? ect". i can't be his friend until he answers my questions or until he gives me some kind of closure. i can't be his friend because it's too hard to be around someone you love who doesn't love you back/refuses to tell me anything.

how am i supposed to get closure from him?

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  • Registered: 2010-03-11
  • Posts: 13

Re: he dropped a huge bomb on me...

You may never get it, you have to be open to that idea. Sometimes we focus too much what we could have done differently, what we may have done wrong all together and if it can be fixed. Not knowing why drives us mad and we feel entitled to it, even if we are we cant force someone to tell us why and even if we hear it, it may not be logical and we feel the need to ponder the first three things I stated over again.

When were upset, were quick to cast judgment and start doing the; here have this back, I can't be your friend, nit picky-needy-clingy you mention it all at the same time.

To me based on a single comment, I don't think your relationship is entirely over. My mom was dating a man for several years when she was younger who was in the military who got stationed over seas, he broke up with my mom because I have no idea. She was left hurt and confused by it all but 3 months after he left he called her up and told her he made a mistake. They now have 4 kids of their own and have been married for 25 years. (I've got a different dad. tongue)

Even in my own relationship I've gotten the I love you but I don't wanna be with you so I leave, upset and confused as hell but sure enough give it a few weeks leave them the hell alone so they get they've got something to think about and I've got him telling me he made a mistake.

Your relationship is different as are everyones but you can do one of two things. Accept you get no closure and move on or you leave him alone, tell him how much you care for him and how you feel before you do then just cut ties, leave it up to him to make the next move. You might be shocked....