• Registered: 2010-01-17
  • Posts: 2

Topic: is it really over?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4years. we have a child together so it makes breaking up if that is what we are doing harder. Friday i was suppose to go out with friends. and he was suppose to watch our daughter, he was acting all sad so i asked what was wrong and he said that he isnt happy in general. so i was like i dont want to take a break and he said that is probably what he wants to do. so he ended up leaving to go hang out at a friends house who is bad for him. a couple mins. after he left i got on the comp. his e mail was open so i read a few that were between him and the bad friend. i know what i did was wrong. i just wanted to see if he had been telling him why he isnt happy. but i came a crossed a email that was asking him if he wanted to tap that which the bad friend was referring to a friend of his. my bf said you know 2 years ago i would say no but lately i dont know. my bf has always told me that he would never cheat. i believe him. after he seen that i seen some emails he thinks that i dont trust him he said in a txt  "4 years and no trust we cant be a family without it and i dont know if im willing to wait 4 more years to earn it. i can see y he thinks i dont trust him, i know what i did i know it was wrong. i dont want to lose him. the thing is we went through a very bad time last year around the same time as now. that was when his bad friend started you need to break up with her forclose on the house and leave. we got through that. but back to the break thing. he still comes home he just wont talk to me. no contact at all. i dont know what to do. his mom thinks it is seasonal depression, it may be. i just want things to be good again.

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  • Registered: 2009-11-18
  • Posts: 12

Re: is it really over?

I wouldn't beat yourself up too badly over reading his emails.I don't think there is a girl out there that can honestly say they have never looked in an email account that was left open (or unopen) and read emails that looked questionable to them.  A therapist once told me that in a committed relationship there are no secrets... no password protection. So really, you may have broken his trust by reading the emails but he also broke yours by talking to someone, who has caused problems for you in the past, about his doubts about your relationship. Your boyfriend needs to act like a grown up and either stand up to this guy or get rid of him. By stand up i mean stand up for you and your importance to him. Relationships are hard enough as it is without a third person giving their opinion regarding something they only hear one side of. You both need to learn how to openly communicate with each other. If you love him - Tell him. If your sorry for reading his emails - tell him. If you feel this relationship is worth fighting for - Tell him. He may not be talking to you right now, but I am certain he is listening.   

Ultimatley what is important here is your child. Too often parents make the mistake of staying together for the sake of their children and even though they have the best intentions at heart, kids often suffer. How will they learn healthy family dynamics if daddy is constantly shutting himself down and you out when he is mad/sad/hurt ect?  what will they learn from mommy crying in the bedroom because they are fighting again? You can't continue to tip toe around him trying not to do or say the wrong thing that is going to make him pack his bags and leave for good. Try to get him to open up to you, see if you both can fix what he feels is lacking or making him unhappy.  That being said,  sometimes relationships run their course. If you both feel that you have done everything possible to fix what he feels is wrong with the relationship and he is still unhappy, then it could be over...but atleast you can say that you tried. 

I heard a song the other day that said: "if i'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose, if i'm not that arrow to the heart of you, if you don't get drunk on my kiss, if you think you can do better than this than i guess we're done, let's not drag this on, consider me gone."  While he is ignoring you, start paying attention to someone who needs it...YOU.  Are you happy in the relationship? because you deserve to be with someone that loves you and is comitted to YOU 100%.