• Registered: 2009-06-24
  • Posts: 2

Topic: why tell me??

ive been dating someone for about 2 months now and have fallen deeply in love with her.  she hasnt said anything back wich is understandable.  i had been dating for a year and a half, other people, and just never found what i was looking for. she is everything ive been looking for and more.   she says im the most satisfying sexual partner shes ever had.  i have found out about her past sexual history and it is 15.  i was a little upset by it, simply because i have been married and my wife cheated and really hurt me.  anyway, my girlfriend and i were out at a club one night with some friends and she was talking with her best friend about past experiences and decided in her alcholholic stuper to tell me an explicit oral sex encounter she had as a late teen.  why would she tell me this??  after i let her know i was not interested in hearing sexual details.  she then told me after i showed i was not happy that she will make that subject taboo, and that she is not the same person.  the only person shes interested in is me.  i just dont know what to think and i love her soo much it hurts.

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  • Registered: 2009-06-03
  • Posts: 17

Re: why tell me??

My fiance did the same kind of thing to me.  I had only been with one other woman in my life (my ex-wife who divorced me for an unknown reason and then my fiance).   I love my fiance. She is a beautiful and amazing woman.   But, early in our relationship she told me about a lot of men she had been with (she had been with more men than your lady). I even encouraged her by asking questions (what an idiot I was).   At the time I didn't know we would fall in love and get engaged.    I listened to her tell stories about the men she had sex with sice she was 13.  It put a lot of bad mental images in my head that I m still trying to completely get rid of.  LADIES AND GENTES...DON'T EVER TALK ABOUT PAST SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH YOUR LOVER UNLESS YOU KNOW FOR SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM>>>OK!!!

It has taken some time.  But, I am getting real close to being over the stories completely after a few months.  Your lady cannot undo what she said and my fiance can't undo her words either.  I have found that time helps heals the wounds.   But not completely.  You must be a little bit frazzled right now.  But, remember, she was not your's then.  You have to let it go.

I struggled with it for a while until i found something that helped me. Here's something you can try that I found to be helpful:

Get a little note pad and a pen.  Carry them with you. Write today's date on the top of the page each day. Try to forget about her stupid little story(ies).    Every time you think of the incident(s), write a little check mark.  Tell yourself that it was in the past. Remind yourself that this incident is not relavant to your relationship and calmly think of a nice peacful time you spent with her.  Write a new page for every day.  Track your progress and you will notice that the number of times you think of it will decrease with each passing day.  You will be surpised how quickly this incident will become irrelavant.  It did for me.

You and I are in this one together.   I hope this helps.

  • Registered: 2009-06-24
  • Posts: 2

Re: why tell me??

thank you so much for what you wrote. it helped me see a little more clearly. i guess that i was a little worried as to why she would offer such info when i didnt want to hear it.. oh well love is tough and i love her.  your right though, it was in the past and it is irrelavent to her and i.  as to you and your fiance', i wish you all of the best.  its a cold cold world out there and to find someone you can truly love isnt easy.  thanks again

  • Registered: 2009-07-02
  • Posts: 1

Re: why tell me??

to paulwalnut: I think that you need to talk to your girlfriend about what happened if it really bothers you and you really love her. At the same time you need to realize that many of the women that you will be seeing will have past relationships (as you did), and when you agree to let them into your life, you also agree to accept her the way she is and whatever she did in the past, just as she accepts you. If she seems like she doesn't care about how you feel then perhaps you should reconsider being with her.

  • Registered: 2009-07-25
  • Posts: 9

Re: why tell me??

I think the past should stay the past. However, If she brought all this up and you were hurt by it I think you should say something. Ask her not to discuss this anymore. If she continues...... Then I do not think she cares. I hope that does not sound harsh. But I would give her one more chance.... Just my opinion. I do think a serious talk should occur.