• Registered: 2009-07-02
  • Posts: 4

Topic: Is this Jealousy??

My boyfriend and use to work together in an office but in seperate departments. There is a woman that is constantly flirting with him and always trying to get his attention.  He is a nice guy and always complimenting woman on their hair or an outfit that they wear.  Which doesn't bother me, except for the one lady that "likes"  or "flirts" with him.  I told him that he enables her to do that more when he gives her attention.  So he said he wouldn't do that.  Well, the other day I found out that they went to lunch together....(by themselves.)  Is it okay to be hurt by this?  I think that him accepting lunch with her enables it more!!!  I don't want to over react, but this is really upseting me.  We have been dating for 3 years.  Please help!!  I want this stomach ache to go away.

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  • From: Chicago, IL
  • Registered: 2008-03-24
  • Posts: 95

Re: Is this Jealousy??

The fact that he said he wouldn't give her attention, and then goes out to lunch with her alone, shows that he doesn't stick to his word. I would be very hurt by this if it was me. It seems like he likes the attention that this other woman is giving him.

~I'm such a fool for love....~
  • Registered: 2009-07-02
  • Posts: 4

Re: Is this Jealousy??

Thanks for you reply.  I also agree that he likes the attention he is getting fromt his other woman.  Does this mean that something is wrong in our relationship?  We are very open with eachother and talk about everything.  He was really upset that I was mad over him going to lunch with her.  I explained how I felt that going to lunch with her just enables her more and itm ight even make her think that he likes her.... he did apoligize but didn't say it wouldn't happen again.  He accused me of not trusting him, and I said it was that I didn't trust her.  I don't want another woman thinking that she could take him away from me.

  • Registered: 2009-06-03
  • Posts: 17

Re: Is this Jealousy??

There ae two ways to look at this. 

One - he had lunch with a co-worker.  My fiance has lunch with male co-workers all the time.  It is part of the working world.  i don't get upset every time she has lunch with someone  from work.  It's lonely to have luch by yourself.

Two- He had a lunch date with a woman he works with.  In this case, the word "date" implies that the purpose of the lunch was to get to know each other to see if they would be potential mates. 

Only you and your boyfriend (or the other woman) know what all the circumstances here are.  We can't answer all the questions without more information.

It sounds to me as if your boyfriend is not ready for a serious relationship.  Has he ever told you what his long-term plans in life are?  Does he want to get married, settle down and have kids...or is he just happy being in a relationship where he can do whatever he wants and make you feel guilty if you challenge his trustworthyness?   A relationship has to be based on trust. I agree wtih crazyinlove in that he seemed to be hiding something by not telling you about the lunch with this woman.  Why did they go alone?  Did they tell anyone about it to make sure it was clearly a co-worker lunch? 

You really need to talk to him about what he is doing and find out where he honestly thinks your relationship is heading.  If he really does want to "see other people",  your relationship may be in trouble.

If he can't be faithful, he does not deserve to be in a relationship.

Last edited by irishsam (2009-07-06 2:50PM)

  • Registered: 2009-07-02
  • Posts: 4

Re: Is this Jealousy??

I talked with my boyfriend about how I was feeling.  He asked why I didn't trust him, and I said it wasn't him it was her that I didn't trust. 
I didn't consider it a lunch date, but as a co-worker that flirts with him all the time, I feel that it was inapproproiate for him to go to lunch with her alone.  It just hurt my feelings.  He said he was going to tell me that he went to lunch with her when he got home.
The way I found out that they went to lunch was that I called him on his lunch break that day and I heard her in the car.....  So, the fact that he answered the phone I guess is showing that he wasn't trying to hide it. 

We have talked about marriage and plan on having kids together.  Our relationship is very strong.  WE talk about everything together.
I just wanted to hear someone else's opinion on the situation since he knows how I feel about her and that he still enabled it by having lunch with her.  It just hurt my feelings.

  • From: Chicago, IL
  • Registered: 2008-03-24
  • Posts: 95

Re: Is this Jealousy??

If he is hurting your feelings, he either needs to stop it and treat you better and stop being around this girl except at work. if not, you need to not be with him. The man that loves you is not suppossed to hurt your feelings.

~I'm such a fool for love....~
  • Registered: 2009-07-28
  • Posts: 4

Re: Is this Jealousy??

This is a tough situation.......it sounds like you have a great and healthy relationship, but the red flag is that you have specifically talked to him about this one girl and then he went and had lunch with her.  yes, it probably was JUST lunch, but it is not about that.  it is about the fact that he went ahead and gave her even more attention than you had already requested he NOT give her.  The bottom line is, do you trust him?  If you trust him then you need to forget this whole thing.  However, if you have a reason to question, I can assure you SOMETHING else will happen--whether it be with this chick or someone else.  I dont say that to scare you I just say that to warn you to be extra careful and the very second that something else occurs that upsets you like this that is of this nature, you need to get out.  SOOO much better for you to get out NOW than once on the other side of that altar if you guys ever say "I Do."  Affairs are life-devastating and, not to mention, so are divorces!!  Not telling you to get out now....just to remember that this whole thing IS a red flag and although he may love you and you him, it is not always enough.  I hope this helps--good luck!!

  • saint
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  • Registered: 2010-01-13
  • Posts: 14

Re: Is this Jealousy??

You say hes not ready fpr a serious relationsahip then why is he with her to past the time. You should be very hurt there might be more there is she the only one he can have lunch with