I have been friends with a girl that is now 19, for about a year now. And over time she became a best friend to me and i love her to death. But here over the last few months, she has had to look after her granny and deal with her family. So i feel like i been put on the backburner. And last summer she talked to me alot and kissed me! It wasnt a accident, and i totally regret it now. Im 15 too. And over the summer she told me how much she cared about me and stuff and then would go see this other girl. Well this other girl told me about a week go that my best friend kissed her to!! I was so shocked and cried.... I calmly asked my friend if this happened and she firmly said no. So idk and the other girl would not lie. But I thought Lacy (my bff) wouldnt lie to me either................ I have completely lost my trust for her. But now her and this other girl dont have anything to do with each other I dont think. Lacy and this other girls parents are good friend. Lacy has a boyfriend a
nd they live together. Im not sure if he is aware of what has been going on. But lately me and Lacy have been fighting alot and she will just tell me whatever bye.. I think she still cares about me but why would she tell me she cared about me, love me, kiss me, go do things with this other girl, and lie about it???? I still have feelings for her because we have been through so much.... I dont know whether to give comepletely up on her or what? She said she doesn't want to be done with me. But yet why does she not act like she cares anymore? She said she has had to grow up and that she is sorry but I told her i loved her last nite and she never once said it, until I asked her about it.........
And yes mam, I know for sure she did kiss this other girl. Lacy has also kissed me. Thats what im really confused about.. I care about her alot and stuff and when I talk to her, I will say nice things to encourage her, but yet its kinda like she just ignores it and goes on.. She says its because its hard for her to show how she feels.. But yet im not sure if that is so true,because when we first met, she was all for it.. And now its just like everything has faded away and she has left me hanging. Im not sure what to do. And we do not communicate as much as we used to.. She is so busy and has so much going on. SO its hard for me.... And like she used to call me names such as babe, sweetheart, baby, etc. That stopped too. And last summer before she was hangin out with this other girl Bailey(the one she kissed) I was talkin to one of lacy's friends,Katie, they used to be really good friends and stuff,but they are not anymore. WELL lacy got upset and kinda went off (got mad) because of
it.. And thats when she started runnin off to bailey. Im not sure why but she used to show me she cared and stuff, but now when I asked her why she doesnt so much anymore, she says because she doesnt think she has too 24-7. Which I mean is true, but i dont know if i should stop showing I care because Im not getting it in return or what?? And when I was talkin to Katie, Lacy would always say that I never showed I care. Well around christmas time, we were arguing constantly and she finally said she didnt want her spot anymore because she didnt want me worrying about making her happy..What does that mean??
But... you know when im nice to her, she ignores it, so im not sure she will ever miss the attention. I dont know it jus worries me. She is not the same lacy i met last year. But see what gets me and makes me mad, is when she sees me, its totally different, she actually tries to have something to do with me. Like about a month ago she was at a game and didnt know i was goin to be there, and she was helpin the team but when they were on break, her boyfriend ended up sittin beside me and behind Baily(the girl lacy kissed) parents. Lacy;s bf didnt know it was me there so i jus turned my back to him, but then lacy came up and sat beside him and beside me, so she was in between us basically. WELL my back was to her and i acted like i didnt notice she was even there, well then she kinda pushed me a little, and i didnt budge. Then a few seconds after, she did it again, then i jus looked at her and said hey.. And it was awkward and sad bc i started thinkin of all the stuff that has ha
ppened you know. Then after the game, i left really quick didnt even say bye to her, and that nite she text me and said i shouldnt have left so fast bc she didnt even get time to talk to me. I thought that was pathetic. And made me so mad.. But back in Nov. she would come to basketball games with her bf and jus ignore me. And i mean she said it was bc it was hard. I didnt get what that meant? And i mean i was seein her back in aug-nov at volleyball games, and she would sit wit me and everything was fine, now i dont know what happened. She doesnt even have time to see me and barely talks to me.. When I am nice, she jus takes it and doesnt return the favor. So then it jus hurts me more when im nice if you know what i mean. I mean I ask her if i was used and she said no that she does care about me. I mean I think she does care and i wasnt used, I think the thing that changed the way she was doin is when i threatened to tell on her. So she just backed off and pushed me away for th
e longest and i guess now she is scared to be nice or something?? I just would like to know how to be nice and get it in return. And when i try to get close to someone else, i just wish it was her. Thats wat hurts me deeply..
Here's the thing though, I did tell her I was sorry and I really am. And I havent threatened anymore and she said ok i love you.. But see she still acts this way? I do not know why? I love her with all my heart and she knows that because I show it. And im tryin to gain her trust back, and i agree i was selfish in doing that. But I mean i can tell her im sorry a thousand times and she say its okay. And i will never truely know if she has forgiven me or not. BUt honestly i think she should be aplogizing to me too. Last summer, she wasnt allowed to see me because my mom thought she was bi or whatever. SO she was hurt and then started seeing this other girl and barely talked to me. SO i mean i felt like she was holding it against me. My mom is fine with her now though, and lacy knows that. But last summer, she treated me awful. And I jus didnt complain anymore. I felt i wasnt worth it. And now its like i wanna be nice, but when i am, she jus hurts me when she is not how she used
to be.... She has told me last month that she has had to grow up bc her granny, and said sorry. And i asked her if that meant leaving me behind and she said no... But also... We got into a huge fight over that kiss one day. And I remember telling her she pursuaded me to do it, and she said she didnt bc i the one that did it.. And i would have never thought i would kiss a girl.. SO that tells you something, and I am 110% sure she kissed my neck that nite, but yet she says she didnt do that either. She told me one nite on the phone, that it started out as something and led to something else and that it was both our faults. And no actually i threatened to tell on her because she actually would be nice after i said that. But see what i dont get is, she gets all defensive when i threaten to tell, but yet this other girl she supposidly kissed has told and lacy didnt do a thing about it.. I dont know who to believe anymore because lacy has lied to me alot.. She used to be jealous and she
isnt anymore. But i mean her boyfriend is good friends with baileys parents and so lacy still goes over there, now what happens i dont know? so im worried sick when she is over there because bailey told me lacy was kissin on her, and stuff and it just really hurts me because how lacy treated me when all that was going on, and to this day, she does not seem to get it hurt me bad, no matter how much i tell her.....

But as of today... it has been a month since we have spoken, she told me a month ago that she didnt have texting anymore. WEll she hasnt called me or anything since that day. It really hurts me, because of how she used to treat me all nice and say i was like family and a little sister to her, and now its like she was a hipicrite the whole time. I dont know what to do or where to turn anymore. I want to be her friend because we were extremely close.. She is the closest person i have been looking up to. I have talked to some other people and they say that I should just keep waiting that she should come around. SO thats what i have been doing. But its so hard. Why doesnt she talk to me? I havent done anything wrong im sure. She knows she cares about me im hoping. How can you just stop caring about someone like that?

Help me please.
Thank you!

We still have not communicated. Its been over a month now. She still has no texting and hasnt called me. I called her one nite, but hung up after it rang one time, so im sure it didnt even show up that i had called on her phone.

My plan as of now, is to just keep waiting and hoping she tries to communicate. I have wrote her a letter, and im sure she has gotten it about a week ago. If she still doesnt talk to me, i will jus wait and call her on her birthday and leave a voicemail. Not even tell her personally happy birthday. Although, i think it would mean more to her if i did.

its just that she was a big help in my life. with varius problems and i miss her

and i dont wanna forget her, bc i think she jus isnt talkin to me at the moment

bc she doesnt have text messaging ya know? and i dont wanna end up seeing her

one day and regreting moving on. what if she comes back around.

and another question.

why is she uncomfortable with me??

along time ago i wasnt allowed to see her cuzmy mom

but now they are fine and i am allowed to see her and

i have made that perfectly clear to her.

but she told me along time ago this is, that

she didnt wanna be aruond my family bc they judged her

as being bisexual.

and when we are both in a crowd of ppl, she doesnt

have anything to do with me much, unless other ppl

cant really see her. why is that?

its like im a bother to her.

i have talked to someone else about why she does that and they

said its bc she may have "desires" for me and doesnt want other

ppl to be suspicious either. and that she was dealing with that hard..

I still want her to be part of my life. She means the world to me. And for that reason, I keep thinkin she just hasnt had the time to deal with me rite now because she looks after her granny. Should i even be thinking this way???

today has been a year since we kissed. im sure she doesnt even remember though.

how can i make her realize i want her to be a part of my life again?? what can i say?

it would not be this way if we talked......

**** EXTRA INFO*****

As of today, and for months now, she hasnt tried to pursue me in a sexual way or even as a girlfriend. But im not sure why she has to be like this toward me. Its like she has to put me on the backburner bc we kissed and is tryin to be more involved in her boyfriend, jus to keep us simple. But you cant be like that towards someone after you have been nice and let them be a part of your life. I dont know whether to be nice to her or what , bc when i am, she sorta ignores it. Say for example, if i tell her i wanna see her, she jus says thats good.

She is very very hard to read and get to open back up to me. And I know that if she isnt part of my life, it will be very difficult, bc i still find myself wanting her to be like she used to be. She will be 20 in july. But when i tell her i dont wanna interfere with her life and that i will jus back off, she doesnt like it, and tells me she still cares and all of this. She told me i was like family to her and a little sister. So i look up to her. It jus weird bc she doesnt even think she has hurt my feelings. And i dont know if she will ever be the same.

I keep telling her its bc we kissed, that it was the reason things changed, and she keeps telling me thats not true..

And her boyfriend, had a talk wit her, saying he didnt like her being on the phone all the time. Which she never really was. He jus knows that she is talking to me, and i dont know why he doesnt like it.. but now he cut her text completely off. When it was cut first, to a max of 150, and she would txt me tellin me goodnite for maybe 5 min, bc he tells her he wants her phone off ny 9. She told me she cant do anything bc he pays the bills.

Like i said, i dont know why she is acting this way, but its like she is fighting me off.
'

last summer, one of her good guy friends came to live with her for a lil bit until things settled down for him. Well long story short, i had called her one afternoon, jus to talk, and we were talking and such forth, but all a sudden i heard her friend, ask who she was talking to. She told him kelsey. And he said kelsey who. So she told him my full name, first and last. And he asked how old I was. She told him 14. Because i was at that time since my bday is in jan. Then all a sudden i heard him say something that really got me off guard and hurt my feelings, i never really let her know about it though. These were his exact words.. "why are you talking to a 15 yr old girl for?"

She said because she could. From then on, idk why exactly, but i felt guilty. Like i was butting in on her life and it didnt make sense why we were friends. Why did i feel that way?????