• Registered: 2008-01-20
  • Posts: 1

Topic: Married 20 yrs and not sure where to go from here.

My husband and I have been married for 20 yrs and we have 2 children who are now grown. My husband is a truckdriver and I work in retail.
I find myself asking him why he can't be a little more sensitive to me. I know his job is taxing but he doesn't seem to understand that I have raised our children by myself, I took  care of both of his grandparents until they passed away and I hold down a full time job of which these days is my only sanity. When I have a bad day he tells me to get over it but when the table is turned he expects me to show compassion for him.
This is not where I expected to find myself. At my age, married for 20 yrs and so unhappy. I am the fix it person for every person in my life and I always thought that when it was my turn to be fixed he would be the one to help. WRONG!!! I find myself  being very unhappy whith everything in my life and wanting to go to work all of the time. I have tried going wit him on the truck and that just seems to make matters worse.
The  people around me ask me why I stay. I don't know if it love or habit. I love him because we have 2 beautiful children together, but we are definetly going in 2 different directions and it seems like I am the only one affected by it.

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  • kasper
  • Love Apprentice
  • Offline
  • Registered: 2007-11-10
  • Posts: 82

Re: Married 20 yrs and not sure where to go from here.

leaving someone who you have kids with is always hard and it gets harder as they get older you see them in everything your kids do. you need to keep in mind that you deserve to be happy to and if your not you need to go and find away to be happy. try counceling if he is not reseptive to that then leave him!!!

  • Registered: 2007-12-20
  • Posts: 84

Re: Married 20 yrs and not sure where to go from here.

I don't know if it's most men, or just some men, but he would be in the category called "emotionally unavailable".  He wants you to be supportive to him but then when you need moral support he's not happily willing to be supportive to you.  Don't love someone simply because they are the father to your 2 kids but love them for who they are.  But then it would be hard to love him for whom his is if he is never there for you and if he doesn't want to try to make you happy.  Marriages take work and if the love in your marriage hasn't been nurtured for all these years then it could be why it's not working out so good anymore.  Have you asked yourself if you'd be happier getting out of your marriage?  I'm not saying that is the thing you should do.  What is it that would make you happier?  Maybe you should take up some sort of activity or hobby that you would enjoy and that could call your own.