i am a fair young guy, in my mid-20's and i am a single dad.  After a couple years of being single, i was introduced to a girl through some of my best friends.  we started chatting via the internet and then moved to texting and such for a few months, really getting to know each other.  she has her head on straight, career oriented and just landed a full time position as a teacher in a local district.  I have been with my company for a couple years now, pretty comfortable as well.  We started actually hanging out about 3 months ago and we were taking things slow, just watching movies, hanging in groups, etc.  things started going more and more, we generally only saw each other 2 nights a week, 3 at most.  we did talk a lot daily via texting tho.  When she landed her new position in December she also took on a coaching role, so she filled her plate up pretty quick. We officially started a relationship towards the end of Jan.  About 2 weekends ago she had plans to go away with some friends but they fell through due to another obligation of hers.  I was "prepared" not to see her that weekend and made some other plans with my friends.  she told me she wasn't going away and invited me out on friday to meet one of her friends and have a drink, so we did and had a good time.  I spent the night at her house and left early the next morning.  I know i started getting a little "needie" saturday night even though she had that obligation that made her going away plans fall through and i bugged her about me coming to her place or calling her but she was just tired and wanted to go to bed.  the next night i again bugged her about calling me a little, she did, but it was a short conversation.  I was going to see her coach on that monday, and again, i got a little naggy about her calling me before the game.  she texted asking what was up cause she was at the gym... i said sorry and then i got a mesage saying she felt i was being pushy and she really cant handle anything else right now with all that is being demanded of her... when i got to the game we talked a little bit... she mentioned the word break or space and there is a lot being demaned of her.. basketball was her example... but she was not ending us.  i walked her to her car after the game, we held hands and she gave me a kiss good night...  she said goodnight later that night via text.  we chatted a little during the week with less conversation thosince then tho..  i slowed down a lot to give her space.  tuesday she told me she really didnt have anything to offer a serious conversation at the moment but she was not trying to shut me out and i told her i understood she is overwheled and that i am trying to give her some space to get through and concentrate on basketball... she thanked me.... basketball then ended that friday and since the the communcaiton has realllly fell off... she answers me but i feel like i may be dragging the conversation on... we had tentitive plans for saturday and she never got back to me about them and when i asked her, she had a nice and calm response that she was spending time with family... i didn't text for for the rest of the weekend and she started conversastion late sunday night but never said good night... almoone message monday and i kinda called off our plans for this upcoming weekend so she could spend time with her friends, she never responded... i said good moring tuesday, rhe replied... i asked if she got my message about our plans for this upcoming message, she said she did and i have not heard from her since... i haven't texted to see if she would say anything... but nothing... i see she is excited about this weekend being with her friend by posts on social sites... but no contact with me...

i'm confused.. she said she couldn't handle anything else but we left it as if we were okay and still together.. but then the conversaiton keeps falling and now nothing for over two days...

nothing really happneed between us... she thought i was being a little pushy, i think i backed off accordingly.. we really click on a lot of levels...

a few people i have talked to said she is being rude and to forget about her... others are saying just to give her space... others are saying maybe she needs this weekend away with her friends (but say she should still say "good morning" or "good night" to you.)

i feel like she is shutting me out... i dont wanna keep texting her for "small talk" for the sake of keeping conversation... i dont think trying to have a serious conversation would do anything since she is getting ready and excited about this weekend...

any thoughts anyone?  she is a year younger than me... first real teaching roles can have a lot of pressure, esp coming in mid year and taking on a coaching spot as well.  she has also never been in a long term relationship... part of me hopes she is getting cold feet, im just not convinced.

i apprecaite your time... i know this is a long post... please let me know if any points need to be clarified.

We lived on opposite ends of the country but every chance he got he would come see me or have me come to him, at his expense. After a few months he asked me to move to be with him because it was what he wanted, he had claimed he never felt this way about anyone before and he didn't want to waste any time. It went against everything I had set for myself but I believed it was the right thing to do at the time.

In December things started to feel different, he got distant and I felt like I wasn't wanted anymore. He had just had a baby with an ex (complicated), he didn't want to be with her but he wanted to be apart of the child's life which I supported fully. He started spending 12+ hours a day, every day with his ex and no time with me. It got to the point I told him it can't be like this. He asked me to leave so I agreed to, but at the last minute in the air port he said he just needed time to think and if I came back it was for good, I questioned him and he said he would marry me. A week later I came back and everything was completely different.

Everything seemed fine up until beginning of February when he lost his job, he pushed everyone he knew away; friends, family, everyone. The only person he couldn't push away was me because we lived together. He started acting cold and mean, I would try to ask him what was wrong and just talk to him to figure out what I could do to help. I was out of a job myself but I was looking for one. A few days passed and he finally broke down and said a phrase to me which hurt so deep.

I love you and I want to be with you, I just don't feel like I did with you in the beginning and I don't think I ever will so I want to break up.

It crushed me, I knew what was wrong. I told him exactly how I felt and what would happen if I left. It broke my heart but I left, again he tells me he just needs time to think. A week later he asks me to come home and I put it off another week, I try asking him what's different but he cant talk to me every time I tried to he would get quiet and rush off the phone with me. I come home thinking something has changed only to come home to the same man I left, cold and mean. I asked him why he had me come home and he told me.

Because I missed you and you wanted to.

To me that's not the right answer, I was upset and the next few days we bickered a lot. A week ago I broke down and I finally told him why I was really upset, that hes hurt me. He said he was sorry and I believed him because it's the only time he's ever said it to me.

He told me though if I want us to work I need to stop having serious conversations. I agreed and for about 4 days I felt like something was really different he was closer to me, he was being sweet and I didn't worry. The last few days though he's slipped back into his cold mean manners and I'm worried again.

He can't even look at me, he doesn't say I love you without me saying it first, I try kiss him and he's tense, I make any sort of move towards him and he literally pushes me away. I can't even remember the last time he took me in his arms even just for a hug.

I don't know what I should do, all of our friends say were perfect for each other and they see how he treats me and call him crazy. I do everything for him but right now I feel so starved for attention, I feel needy and I wish I didn't because I'm afraid it's just going to push him away even more. I can't talk to him either as he's clearly stated, if I have a serious conversation I know he'll flip out on me and say he's done, it's pretty much what happened the night I told him how much he's hurt me but he felt bad so he didn't.

Should I just wait and hold my breathe? Give him the time he's asking for, no serious conversations. Even though all this silence is killing me because I can't seem to catch his attention? I know he loves me but he isn't acting like it and everyone around us sees it I think he even does but he doesn't know what to do about it either.

then he just starts acting odd, not talking as much, not saying I love you to me (which he would say 3 and 4 times a day EVERY day) later he finds out his dad has cancer and his father died within 2 weeks.

just yesterday he finally says I was right, that he loves me but is NOT IN LOVE w/ me anymore. He's telling me that he wants to get that love back for me but it has to be in his own time.

Im hurt and mad at him idk what to do

I guess my question is, is it normal for couples to stay together but fall in and out of love w/ each other? is that even healthy? is that normal?
any other advice/input would be helpful as well,

thanx

I then went on to ask him if he was happy, comfortable, and getting his needs met what was the problem with taking the relationship to another level.

All he said was that he was being STUPID. I have no clue to what this type of comment might mean.

Please help.

bf= babys daddy going to college but wants to quit parents pay for car and phone works fast food

friend= pays for everything he has has a good job(nice money and loves his job) no college

Even after a year-and-a-half after he first broke up with me, we have gotten back together about seven times just so that a couple months later he breaks my heart again. When he wants to get back together, he tells me how he doesn’t want to date anyone else and he wants to have a healthy relationship with me. Then he starts to distance himself after a couple of months, and then he says that he can’t commit to me, and that he was still so hurt over his breakup almost two years ago. Eight months ago, after we broke up about the seventh time (he still was texting me daily until January ‘10), I started dating another guy who treats me like a princess. My family and friends love him and I see a future with him. I have fallen in love with my new boyfriend, but the ex for the past seven months has been begging me to take him back. He’s showered me with flowers, candy, songs, and he’s been crying just wanting me to get back into a relationship with him. I’ve told him “no” that he’s hurt me countless times and that I can’t get back together only to have him breakup with me again later. He’s told me that he’s finally realized that I’m the “One,” and thinks that if we get back together in a year or two we could be married. This is a 40 year old man who has been engaged three times (all to different women), who has never been married or has even lived with another woman. Even after how much my ex has hurt me, I still think about him almost daily and I can’t get him out of my head. Now on facebook, through mutual friends, I see pictures of him and his new girlfriend he’s been dating since Jan ’10, and it makes me so angry to see him happy. I just want him to be alone since he can’t commit to anyone but himself. I know he’s no good, but I fell for him hard, and all I do is feel sad and angry about our past together. I just don’t understand why or how he could do this to me. How could he tell me that I was the “One” after a year-and-a half, and then all of a sudden meet some new girl he met on the Internet? I need some sound advice and guidance to help me heal.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/2FPVP7B

I am introverted guy. I met a girl during travels, we hit it off very well and became intimate on several occasions. I was/am single; she was married (but seeking divorce).

We still keep in touch via email/chat. We both claim to have lingering feelings for each other, but she wants this "relationship" to fizzle out. She claims it wont work out in the long term; and I completely agree.

* But I cant let go... I yearn for that intimacy again (and not in a sexual manner).
* She thinks I am in love (am I?). I wouldn't know; my previous sexual encounters were with prostitutes (I was young and stupid).
* We still converse via email and chat, but its painful for me - I only pretend to be "normal".
* What does a girl really feel/think when she says "lets be friends" AFTER sharing deep intimacy? Am I being a fool? Was I used?
* We are similar minded in many aspects, but I dont think I love her. But then why do I yearn for intimacy with her?

Any guidance would be appreciated.

Well, I just recently(nov) found Diane's number in my husband's cell phone. I didn't say anything just deleted the number. Well in December I saw that she called again and also deleted it her number. This time I asked him about it. He stated that she called him because her brother comitted suicided and needed someone to talk to, then he dropped it. Didn't mention it again.  Just like it was nothing.

I thought about it, and it really bothered me, no hurt me. So one day when he called me at work again, I asked him about it, and told him that it hurt me very much. He acted innocent and said he was sorry. Then continued to say that she's nothing to look at. He would go there and talk to her, and sometimes get chicken feed when we were out(we have chickens). She would do all of the talking, etc. Well, I kind of let that sink in, but the thing is, he didn't talk about it anymore, or even bring it up.

Well, it's been bothering me again, since I don't know how she got his cell phone #, and this past weekend I brought it up. I asked how she got his number, and how would he feel if it was me? (Just last week, he lost his cell phone), well he said to me, good thing that I lost my cell phone now is it? I said, oh don't worry, her number wasn't on it. He then asked me if I deleted it, I said yes. Unfortunately we were in a public place, and I couldn't go into any detail. I asked him if he felt flattered by the attention, but I didn't get any answer. But just his actions, and his facial expressions, seem so strange to me. I don't know how to decribe it.

I also told him that we are talking about it face to face, since I'm not done with it. And I get no reaction at all, and no comment. Just stares.  It may be because of the public place.

I did mention in Dec. to him that this is form of infidelity and he didnt' seem to understand. I said it's emotional....Though this was on the phone. He can talk to me better when we talk on the phone. But he's working on that, since it shouldn't be like that.

He said that she's really nothing to look at.  I still feel hurt inside, and there's a trust factor issue. 

Does anyone know the bible's view on this?

He says it's been going on for maybe 3 years/5 years he said he can't remember. Then he said about 7 years, and he just gave her his cell #, cause "I give everyone my cell #"He says sometimes when she calls he doesn't always answer.

We did talk about it the other night, and he said that he really had no idea that it was wrong. Men are so stupid. 

He said he was sorry. Had no idea that it was a form of infidelity. I explained to him what constitutes it has infedility. (I had done research beforehand of course).

I told him that he needs to close that part of his life and the next time she calls either don't answer the phone, or answer it and tell her NOT to call anymore.  He also said that I'm right, that he should've told me in the begining and should've told me even when he went over there. I told him to put the shoe on the other foot and see how he would feel, he said he really didn't know.  I also asked him if I had to get tested, and he said "no".

We haven't talked about it since Sunday night.  I don't know how to tell him that it hurts still and I don't know how long it'll take to forgive him, or to trust him.  I'm usually a very forgiving person, but this is a little different.

Sorry this is so long, but I thought it needed some background.

He refuses to "give her up" as he says they have a history together.  They dated for five years from ages 16 to 21 when she went off to college and began screwing other guys.  She is now married and a mother of two young children.  She also became a born again christian.  She in fact sent him a bible at christmas which he never told me about.  I found it because I was snooping through his stuff. 

I knew something was up a few months back when around October I tried to log into his email just to check as I was still getting emails on his account.  He had changed the password and refused to tell me the password.  I demanded to see the emails and to know what on earth they are talking about for 3-4 hours a day.  He refuses to let me see the emails or tell me what they talk about.  He tells me he is not having an affair.  As far as I am concerned this is an affair an emotional one.  I told him there doesn't have to be sex in order for there to be an affair. 

What do I do with this guy?  He figures he can have the best of both worlds for now.  I want to call her and tell her whats going on.  Somehow I don't think she knows that he keeps it all secret or that maybe her husband doesn't know whats going on either.  Not sure what to do....

So... this past Valentine's day kinda changed everything for me. I didn't think we were going to see each other, so I called a cpl friends over for a single girls night. And towards the beginning of the night he told me he wanted to see me. So I told him I had ppl over, and he said if it were ok, he would join us. He sat there and cuddled me in front of my friends, and kissed me in front of them, for the first time. What guy who just wants a booty call does that??Especially with how shy he is, and how he says that he just doesn't fall in love. And sometimes now, I'll catch him just staring at me. And telling me he misses me. He never did that before.

So.. I think my mistake was that I told him that I was starting to have feelings for him, and that I didn't know if I could handle being in a casual only relationship, that eventually I would want more. He thanked me for my honesty and said that even though he had feelings for me, too, that we should slow down and not "hook up" any more, that we should just be platonic friends. Why would he tell me he had feelings for me, but then tell me we should basically ignore them?

We still talk... but its not every day. And when we see each other, its as if we never had that conversation. I think maybe if I didn't say anything, eventually he would drop his guard. But... most of my friends are telling me just to leave him... That I will never get him to open up to me. I went out on another date, and couldn't enjoy myself. I wanted my guy to be the one that I was out with. Part of me thinks I should leave him, cuz maybe I'll just be hurt, but part of me believes deep down that if I am not willing to be patient for him, then I don't deserve him. I really just wish I knew what he was thinking... My friends say that all he is doing is using me for sex... but if he isn't getting any and still wants to be around me and misses me... how could he be using me?

I asked him why he didn't want a relationship with me, and he said that I shouldn't assume that its a problem with me... what the hell does that mean?

Any advice would be appreciated.

how am i supposed to get closure from him?

did it not happen fast enough? did he not think i was ready? was he not ready? was he not wanting to? I have NEVER had a guy up and stop like this. HELP!!!